*I am writing this post to remember it, sorry if it is TMI.

On November 20th, I knew I was pregnant! This wasn't confirmed until November 24th or so. We were so exited! I remember, I just couldn't wait to share the news with my family. So on Thanksgiving day, I did :) What a glorious day!

For ten weeks I have carried my new baby, Ella's baby sibling. This pregnancy has given us a lot of first, which seems weird because we already have a child. But it would be the first time, I would get to see my child this early on in my pregnancy...Isn't that exciting!

Anxiously awaiting Wednesday January 6, 2010, we head to the doctors for our 10 week U.S. and appointment. The first glimpse of "baby" is breathe taking. What an amazing creation God has made! The second glimpse revealed to us that my sweet baby did not have a heart beat.

I couldn't believe my eyes. There sat this precious child as peaceful as the day God made it. My feelings would not allow me to wait and let this process happen naturally. I just couldn't do it with Ella being around. I scheduled a D&C for that Friday.

Today is Saturday and I feel that I need to close this chapter in my life and start a new, brighter story! God has given me so much strength through this process, he really is an amazing Father! The time will come when we will be able to celebrate life again, but for now God's plan is different and I am open to see what he has in store for me and my family!